What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 03:35
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I have BPD. Why do I destroy everyone I love?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why are there so many girls and not enough boys to follow?
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What is a common thought that keeps people up at night? Why do some people experience this?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Are evolutionists giving evolution a bad name by claiming humans started off as shrews?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why does a college girl cover her face with a scarf in Bangalore?
I think the readers, may guess!
I don,t even have a pension.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was 9 years of age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One cannot live in the past .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I can not sleep. what is the problem?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
What a list actors/ actresses are notorious for being jerks in real life?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So whats the point in blame.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
(And it was in our own minds.)
What did i know ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I waited trembling.
My life is so biszare .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He knew the spot.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Put me off passion for life!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was scared of men, in general
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I will be 64.
Im still living with it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Who then, do I blame.?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was seconnd youngest,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We were not on the streets..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
All the time i was locked up.
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
When she asked me how she looked .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I could never make a relationship work though!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And i lived it daily.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It was going to be , some day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But it wasn’t much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I said to her
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So, i spoilt her more .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Comes on , in middle age.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was in good health!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She found it foreign!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.